Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My Political View On The Mommy War...


All I can say is..."Thank you Dr. Phil". I was sitting here today, thinking that I really had nothing that I felt like blogging about, and that my creative juice bottle was looking about as empty as the milk jug and egg carton in the fridge. Though I doubt my grocery store could help me out with giving me blogging fodder...


Oh wait...yes it can.


However, today...I was saved by Dr. Phil, who so elequently donated an hour of his time to discuss the very real...and sometimes very gruesome war that centers around Mommyhood. To be a Working mom, or a Stay At Home Mom...that is the question...and if you get it wrong...be prepared for a barrage of either pacifiers or pay stubs being flung in your direction.


I have to admit...I was in a way surprised, in that I felt like it did end up being a little bit of a one sided issue...with the working mom team getting more of postive spin,....while the Stay At Home Mom example was the mom who came off as Crass and Judgemental. They did have Dooce there to be the middle ground, and in my eyes, almost a voice of reason.


I found myself actually talking out loud during the whole show...like when one mom said she was able to work and pick her kids up from school...because she worked from 10 until 3. Holy Crap Batman, if I could find a job that I could work from 10-3, I would jump on that like tween girls on Justin Beiber.


My decision to become a Stay At Home mom, is both one of necessity and personal choice. I am lucky that my husband makes enough money to support this family, for the job I had, was not one that worked well with my Husband deploying for months on end. First I worked 40 miles from home, through Philadelphia traffic which usually meant I had to leave at 5:30 am, and most days saw me home no earlier than 6:45. Then of course I would have the at least one day a week where I would need to be there in the evenings, not making it home until 10:30 or 11.


Now I could have pulled myself up by my bootstraps, and said so what if you only see your baby for 20 minutes or so after work, before he goes to bed. Or don't worry if your morning interaction is conducted in a car on the way to daycare. I made the decision after 2 weeks of being back in the workforce, that I didn't want my son to have 2 absent parents.


I can tell you, there are many days I have told my husband I would give up pedicures forever to trade places with him. I LOVED working, I loved the interactons, the challenges, the PAY CHECK. I didn't get a bachelors degree just to stay at home....I could have gone on a killer vacation instead....or saved the money for future therapy. It was not an easy decision, as it has cut our finances in half, and the luxuries we were able to afford before, we now have to pass on.


I do feel that it gives me personally a better, closer and more stable home life for my son. He already has a father who leaves every 5 or 6 months to go to a war zone, and this will continue for the forseeable future. I felt, and still feel, that he needs me to be there as his sense of security and peace.


I feel that there are a variety of reasons why the Stay At Home Mom population chooses to do so, especially this day and age, when independence in women is so important, and almost seen as necessary. I think most of these reasons were probably taken very seriously and are just as valid as many reasons many women stay in the work force...


My position on the whole war is that I'm going to be Switzerland....Whatever you feel is in the best interest of your family....do it...I'm not here to throw stones...heaven knows I live in a glass castle...I'm just here to do what I feel is best for my family...and I know so many of you are doing the same...whether it be as a working mom....or a stay at home one.

I think I'll just keep dodging the paystubs and pacifiers....while waving my white flag.

18 comments:

S Club Mama said...

I think it's a personal choice. Because some women (my mom) are NOT made to be SAHM. And some women are made for it. I'm not sure which I'm made for yet. LOL I hate when the media picks a side.

The Mrs. said...

I wanted to stay home for one of the reasons you mentioned, hubs is away so much that I wanted them to have one parent who was present and available. (Although right about now I'll take a smidge of distance!)

Em said...

I'm a little Swiss Miss myself - whatever works best for the individual family.

I'm a SAHM out of choice with first child, out of necessity with second - it works for us for now.

This thing must have gotten way heated - quite the chatter around the blogosphere. Mothers of this great nation - do we still need to be debating this?

aforestfrolic said...

Amen sista ;-)

Jamie :)

Lacey said...

i hope to be a stay at home mom. kudos on always trying to do the best thing for your family. I had the best job in the world for me and now i understand the draw to work.

lovina said...

If you have a choice, it's your choice - either way.

MrsM said...

It's ridiculous that people are still fighting about this. Just because I choose to be a SAHM doesn't mean that I am making any kind of judgment on women that work, and I see no reason for them to make a judgment against me either.

We all make our own choices.

Mighty M said...

Coming by from SITS - hi! As a SAHM I really miss work, and sometimes I really do think I'm supposed to spend some time at work. But I can't imagine anyone else watching my children. Not right now when they are small at least (I worked full time until my daughter was about 20 months). Have a wonderful day!

Deb said...

I'd also love to be a SAHM, but we have no expenses left to cut and simply need both incomes right now.

I missed the Dr. Phil episode, but caught the gist online. I also avoid picking a side on this topic, but get really furious by sanctimonious (perfect word, next to douchey) remarks.

Amber Page Writes said...

I think it's difficult no matter what you choose. I work out of necessity - and often feel so guilty I can't stand it. But on the other hand, I have SAHM friends who would love to have my freedom...

It's catch 22, ladies. I'll join you in Switzerland. There's enough pain in the world without hating on each other.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

I wish I could have seen it..but sadly I was working ;)

I don't understand the war around this topic - it amazes me. All the mothers I know work hard to make the best decision for THEIR family - weather they are working or staying at home.

I was fortunate enough to have had a summer as a SAHM - I loved every minute of it, if the choice was there that's what I'd be doing now...but its not, so I embrace the role that I do have - I am a working mom - and while I may not see the boys as much as I would like, I make every moment with them as wonderful as possible.

(Now...in this did he at all address that some working moms are married to SAH...DADS?! a growing trend which I think throws a wrench in the arguments of the very combative SAHMs)

Maven said...

Switzerland is always good - I too like to remain there :-)

I really like what S Club Mama said - I stayed at home until my guy was seven and then I HAD to get back out into the working world. But that's just me. I was very fortunate, though, to have a job with a flexible schedule so I could still be there when he finished school everyday.

Astro said...

I've been both SAHM and FTWM and really feel it depends on personal choice and family situation. It is not right for one side to keep slaming the other as both have their pros and cons.

Tabitha@ichoosebliss said...

If a mom decides to be a SAHM that should be her given right. Afterall, being a SAHM is indeed a FULL time job for MANY.

"Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest"

roadrunner201 said...

I love being a SAHM, too. But I also am Switerland. I wish that we would spend more time building each other up as moms (despite differences) instead of tearing each other a part.

Kelli said...

I work part time (3 days) so I feel like I get the best of both worlds. I enjoy getting up, going to work and have adult conversation. Since my daughter has started at a daycare she has advanced wonderfully. I do enjoy my 2 days at home too. It is our time together and most days are lazy days where we don't leave the house.

I think it is a personal choice.

Loukia said...

I think everyone does what is best for their situation. How could ANYONE judge me for working in an office? And how could I ever judge anyone who is a stay at home mom? My goodness! Regardless of where you work, being a mom is the hardest job there is, period. We should all just be supporting eachother... that's all. I hate the battle... so dumb! I like going to work, because I like my job, I like feeling like an adult, I need the money, I like getting dressed up, and I know my kids are happy being looked after by family members... at the same time, I do miss out on some time with them, and I do envy those who stay home sometimes. No one has it perfect... we all have struggles... but we all also make the best decisions for our lives and our children! :)

Michaela said...

I tried going back to work for a week and couldn't do it. It felt wrong to me to basically be working to pay for childcare. Now that we're having a second child... it just doesn't seem to be an option to go back right now. We have had to make some major changes in our lives since making that decision, but I would make that one all over again if I had to. As for others...to each their own. They need to do what's best for them and it's not for me to judge.