I have to say, it's almost liberating in a way being able to write and say....(outloud to myself only) that I am NOT a PERFECT mother....and I'm thinking liberating in a take off my bra and burn it in the back yard sense of the word....
I'm sure many of you my fellow mommies....and even those who are not yet...but have thoughts, ideas...or plans of such know what I'm talking about...living the mantra of "I Want to Be the Perfect Mom"....or at least "I Want To Be One Hell of a Mom".....with an occasional "Better than My Mom was"....
I remember when my little Pea-Pod was doing back flips in my SUPER sized belly...and as I rubbed it and whispered to him....I would frequently mention that I planned on being the perfect mommy for him....where I would be a constant source of stimulation, knowledge, patience, and so on...and so forth....Images of a utopain life flashing before my sleep deprived eyes...
18 months later.....I am beginning to rack up things that definitely show myself that I am not a perfect mother....and that there is NO way on this earth...that such a feat is possible....
and whoever started this whole PERFECT mother campaign should be taken out and flogged!
Today I've now written down #234 of why I am not a perfect mother....I cannot be a source of constant stimulation for my child....
and OMG...what a sigh of relief that is....I for the longest time tried to be available and 100% involved in every minute that my son was awake....from playtime...or story time...to park runs...I was in it to win it...and also secretly yearning for nap times or bedtime....which in turn, made me extremely guilty and ashamed. Wow...I can't wait for my son to go to sleep...Black mark for me...
After some time of pondering, observing...and of course the old calling my mom for advice trick...I noticed my son really doesn't WANT my being in his bizness 24 hours a day....I noticed that if I was in the other room...folding laundry or having the ever coveted bathroom break...my son was happy...doing his own thing...
HOLY COW...my son is independent....Wait...isn't that what I want? Absolutely...I realized...that by me forcing this PERFECT mom rule on my child, I was in turn actually trying to create a super dependent child...
It's amazing actually, as I learn new things each day, especially about my pre-parental beliefs...and how the reality of being a parent is turning out to be so different...I need to not put such high expectations on myself. I need to trust myself...and have faith in my child...that he is capable of being his own companion...and is happy being alone.
Not only am I allowing my child to become a well adjusted person, but I am giving myself the time to multi-task and be happy with my other duties as a Wife, Mother and Homemaker. I don't feel like I have to cram the house duties until naptime or bedtime...leaving myself little to no time for ME...
Every day I am learning that being NOT SO PERFECT is actually a Pretty PERFECT thing.....
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9 comments:
Could not have said that better myself!!
Amen girlfriend ;-)
Jamie :)
umm your only up to #234? newbie. : )
But you are a perfect mommy...for your son you are absolutely the most perfect mom. I don't think there is such a thing as an over all Perfect mom that all other moms can be measured against, but I do believe that our own personal brands of mothering are perfect for our families, failures, quirks and all.
You are a great writer. And I couldn't agree more. I never know what to do with my son so he's super independent (although loves loves to cuddle) in the sense that he can play on his own all day. I couldn't cram all that stuff into nap time; I need me a nap.
Go take a nap yourself. You deserve it!
Evolving mom has great perspective. Your a perfect mommy for your son :)
I think the word perfect should be banned in any context. Perfection is so overrated, and really isn't what people need or want anyway.
I know my kids don't want me to be the "perfect" mom, they just want me to be there. Really, just show up. Everything else...well I'll get to it when I get to it.
Great post!
I hear ya!!
And, who wants to model perfection anyway? I wouldn't want to set my girls up for a nice anxiety disorder. Imperfection is best, I say!
Mommyhood is an evolving process. No point stressing up over some impossible standards.. the only standard i subscribe by is that both baby and mommy are happy and loving it.
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